hey guys! been a while...felt like rambling...

spark!..

and the wonderful burst closed its flaming wings.


But forever there remains the smoke (and ashes!) that scatter the ground.
into a million (and maybe more) pieces.


What is this??! she cries in soaking clothes.
t his happened when the rain began to pour down in the park.

being in wet clothes was not so bad, after all after all after all... but what to make of the smoke?

why does it sift through the morning air and my morning cup and my morning memory.
wheredid it go
where did it go
wheredidit go?
where diditgo
where did it go
where did it go?

that burst of light and heat was so wonderful!

(and) wishing wasn't working.

So she became quiet.
no more crying out questions. never mind their laughter.
never mind that they may ignore you. (this is good?)

there was smoke. and lively ashes all around...
and that was all that mattered.
there was a flame, a spark. s p a r k.
it will be quiet.
run to the room
run to the church
run to the school
run to the end of the line
run, for walking often does not satisfy.

and that was why.

There Is So Much More

I paced around the island in my kitchen waiting to take pies out of the oven. I thought lots about life, how sometimes you think you understand it all so clearly and then in one foul swoop, you find yourself caught in this whirlwind wondering if you’ll ever get yourself out. I’ve been stuck in this fog for a few weeks now. You know that thick fog that makes you squint really hard just to see three steps ahead of you? On a clear day, my eyes can’t adjust, I can’t keep from squinting. Maybe it’s because my life is seeming so rehearsed lately; I want to shout, “curtain up, now let’s go global!” I keep searching for something new, something scary and unfamiliar that would take me out of my comfort zone, make me speculate, keep me curious. I wondered if something or someone like this would ever pop up in my life again, it's felt like ages. I told myself to leave it to fate, as it was fate that brought me here. I thought I'd figured it all out, put the puzzle together, now it was time to find another with three times the pieces. I thought and rethunk till I'd overthought it all. What it comes down to is this-there truly is no possible way to fully understand anything or anyone, and you've got to be pretty crazy to believe there is. Even once you’ve discovered the major happenings in a persons life that have shaped who they’ve become, there’s still a whole lot more. After memorizing your route to histo, you probably don’t think twice about how you got from point A to point B. People overlook the little things, and I too am guilty of that. I let myself get bored of things, convince myself that I need to see new places and meet new people to keep me feeling enthusiastic about life. The truth is that all I need, I already have. I go to school in a gorgeous town that has tons to see and experience and have become friends with the greatest, most fascinatingly awesome people I’ll ever have the blessing to know. And in the span of four years, there is no possible way I’ll be able to truly understand any of it. We’ve become so lazy in the way we think. We stop looking the moment our minds tell us there’s no more to see. I hope you'll try at some point to see past the obvious, because the harder you look, the more you'll find.

“There's so much beauty in the world. Sometimes I feel like I'm seeing it all at once, and it's too much, my heart fills up like a balloon that's about to burst. And then I remember to relax, and stop trying to hold on to it, and then it flows through me like rain and I can't feel anything but gratitude for every single moment of my stupid little life.”
-American Beauty

Keep looking, especially once you feel you've already found it! Right then, the moment you feel like you couldn't possibly be anymore in love with life, push yourself to look past what's right in front of you, so you're not just on this high that may eventually die out...one pumpkin pie=one tiny ounce of wisdom, eat your hearts out hippies!

Happy Thanksgiving yall!
love.