Let your heart be light, from now on, our troubles will be out of sight

Well, it being Christmas day and all, I guess I should give y’all something inspiring, something heartfelt, something you’ll actually enjoy reading. So here, enjoy!

I think it's kind of funny that some people only really believe in fate when something either really great or very tragic happens in their lives. As for me, I'm going to believe in fate now, when I'm content but not over or under the moon about my life, just to show all those people that fate can mean that ordinary things do happen to you for a reason.

I used to have this french babysitter growing up that I detested. She smelled like spinach and mushrooms (both of which I tolerate today but hated then) and would always say I cheated because I beat her in every board game we ever played. I've always been unnaturally gifted at Monopoly, she just didn't know what she was getting herself into. She would get so mad at my "cheating" that she'd yell at me in french and run to the bathroom, slam the door and cry, really loudly too, she didn't even try to hide it. I made up this story about how she was in love with some Jersey boy she had had an affair with in France. He captured her heart and brought it (along with the rest of her) back to the US only to break it (just her heart, not the rest of her) when, one quiet evening at home, the two sat down to a game of Monopoly. He whispered in ear, "If you win this game, I'll marry you!" Her eyes popped, she planned every move to the T, but when she hit Park Avenue with his huge plaza of a hotel, she was bankrupt, she'd lost. Then he ran out and married someone younger, prettier and a thousands times less bitchier than her. I would feel sorry for her except one time she punished me by dropping a beehive on me when she knew I was allergic to bees. Yeah, I hated her.

I always write something and then reread it, it’s just sort of second nature now. In rereading it, I almost always find a word that I think is spelled wrong. I write out all the possible ways I could spell it, and then once I’ve finally found what I think is right, I don’t even feel like that word makes sense in the sentence anymore. What had I been trying to say? What was I actually saying? I blame this on my creative writing teacher I had back in high school that I had a sort of love/hate relationship with. He reminded me of DPS’s Mr. Keating, and I loved him in that respect, but he hated people if they ever missed deadlines, or if their writing didn’t meet his expectations. I was always late, and am pretty sure I almost always disappointed. I still feel bad for that. Well anyway, one day, after our morning meditation (yes, we did that), he randomly said, “bark.” Then he said it again, and again, and again, and again and another 9 or 10 more and again’s until we stopped looking at him like he was crazy and looked at each other like we were the biggest idiots on face of the earth. Somewhere after one “bark,” but before another, the word had lost its meaning. The harder I pushed myself to get out all the gunk in my brain, leaving space for only that word’s meaning, the more feeble minded I felt. I’d lost a simple solitary word from my vocabulary...What did it mean?...Why did my parents let me take this class?!

I really don’t like Dolly Parton. It makes me mad that whenever I turn on the radio, there she is, singing Sleigh Ride. It's lovely weather for a sleigh ride together with Dolly (as long as I know I can jump out just before the sleigh goes flying down the hill and into a tree)...Well, maybe my hatred isn't that extreme, maybe...102.7 needs to cut it out though!

Remember how in choir, Dr. Jordan would sometimes tell us to pretend we were pulling noodles out of our noses to get the sound more forward? Well, now whenever I eat too much, like I will tonight no doubt, I feel like my insides turn into noodles. Or, you know that little old lady in Patch Adams who wants to swim in a big tub of noodles? Sometimes I feel like instead of a brain, I just have this old lady screaming of pure joy, jumping around in a tub of noodles...It's quite distracting sometimes, actually.

I can successfully sing AND play “A Way Back To Then!”...Now I’m working on some guitar stuff, so we’ll see what happens with that. There are so many folk singer/songwriters I admire, I wish I could write or play like them!...I don't need to do both, but just to be bangin at one would be cool :)

I miss skip-it’s a lot, oh, and chinese jump ropes!...those were fun.

My sisters and I used to have fake weddings. I was never getting married, you know, always a bridesmaid, never a bride, thank god. It was always Julia, because her pre-school crush, Lucas, moved away leaving her devastated. So, Julia married her bear, also known as Nosey-Nose. Mary would be the priest and unite them in holy macaroni, while I’d sulk behind Julia, holding her vail, hating to have to be part of this annual event (that I think would still continue today had nosey-nose not gotten misplaced at some point over the years)...more to come on this later.

I think I'm going to start collecting pez.

To me, it isn’t Christmas if there isn’t snow on the ground, and I don’t get goosebumps from hearing Judy Garland singing Have Yourself A Merry Little Christmas in Meet Me in St. Louis...Well, at least it’s halfly Christmas? There may be no snow, but I got new headshots as a gift, so I’m a pretty happy lady :) Oh, and I got a really nice hippy bag with elephants on it, that also made me very happy!

How come it never snows anymore in Baltimore on Christmas???

Dear Santa,
For Christmas I want new trolls and a new mom.
Thanks,
nameless sister, (1991)

Sorry, this was neither heartfelt nor inspiring, but I just said what was on my mind.
Oh well Happy Hanukah / Merry Christmas / Happy all other holidays you might celebrate / Happy Decemeber 25th to all!!

Here are some pictures from 34th street in Hampden, MD (miracle on 34th street, kind of?). There are few Baltimore traditions I really appreciate, but this one along with Artscape, is one of my favorites. I love the hubcap tree!

Tidbits

* These are some of my freinds:

Peace/Kaboom

Pork/Shakes/Tremor

Fudge

Asad Jihad/Kamikaze

Squire

Beast

P-Rod

Nickels

Uno

Mumbles

Clog

Noggin

Nod

Slug

Caveman

Colt

Chuckles

Buddha

Slick

Smokes

Hatikva

I am leaving for Israel in exactly two weeks. I feel like I should be doing something to prepare. Like learning Hebrew, or maybe purchasing a bullet-proof vest...

Seriously, should I be scared? The news tells us that the middle east is a scary, dangerous place where they get tortured for throwing shoes. So I guess I'm supposed to believe them?

I'm buying a new digital camera tomorrow for my trip. Except that my mom is going to wrap it up and I can't actually have it until Christmas. Isn't it a bit ironic, to use Christmas as an excuse to get presents for my Jewish trip?

I've heard that this whole Birthright thing is really just a gigantic ploy to get you to marry Israelis and live there for the rest of your life. I wonder if a half-shiksa like me is good enough for them.

Apparently I'm going to be riding a camel. And rappelling down a cliff. And staying on a kibbutz! I'm totally excited about the kibbutz. I am all about the communal living thing. It makes me want to eat granola and wear Birkenstocks and plant a tree. Maybe I should just drop out of college and become a hippie. I don't think I'm hip enough, though.

Hanukkah starts tonight at sundown!

L'chaim!

Winter Break Goals

-learn how to play the guitar, “legitely”
-write songs, poems, stories, just write in general
-read anything, I’ll post a winter reading list later
-figure things that need figuring figured out
-take a short trip to vermont?
-practice, piano especially!
-find a new friend crush
-get something else pierced? no tongue, no worries
-steal my voice teacher's baby
-buy a new "little black dress"
-look amazing in the "little black dress"
-find that house
-gain perspective
-learn to whistle

wish me luck :)

...And that's how I invented the high 5!

I drank a Jone's crushed melon soda today. I have mixed feelings about Jones (not to be confused with Jones, Indianna, or Jones, Mr.). I really enjoy their odd flavors, but I don't like the medicinal cough syrup aftertaste of pure cane sugar. Its like an Amistad in my mouth. Not a big fan.

There's this French company that is slowly becoming my next money splurging crush - its call Pylones, and they only sell weird shit. I like French weird shit. Like a vaccum shaped like a cheeseburger or a purse that is a giant frog with handles. that kind of stuff.

Top 5 songs for repetitive torture loops:

- Aqua, "Barbie Girl"

- Phillip Glass, "Einstein on a Beach"

- Lemon Demon, "Correctional Facility Food Sucks"

- Bon Jovi- Well, anything really

- Randy Newman - see Jovi, Bon

I think my favorite worst nightmare was one I had mutliple times hen I was younger, that I was a human pencil andwas put into a pencil sharpener.

Another good one was when Barney and BJ ransacked my preschool and took hostages

Sneakers are mad expensive, but I don;t understand why. Sure, gas is up, economy sucks, but you have 4 year old third world country children making 1 dollar a day as employees, why do you need to charge me 100??

You know that thing when your lying on your pillow, and you close one eye and it looks higher and in a different place than when you use the other eye? And then, when you open both eyes, it kinda hurts and gives you a headache? I think thats what's holding some people up- they only see the pillow in one spot instead of embracing the headache

Concerning Plaxico Burress: I'm seriously considering buying one of those custom jersey and putting "H. Smith" on the name plate with Burress's number. Seriously dude, your story was your name was Harris Smith and you got shot at an Applebees? And you waited 2 hours to seek medical attention?? I got o Applebee's all the time. they ma forget your bbq sauce now and then , bt i highly doubt theyd wait 2 hours to get you help for your gunshot wound. You need to take some tips fro OJ on how to lie

Concerning OJ - Repsect for being a major dick to the court system and getting out scotch free (what deos this saying even mean btw?) but come on. Now our just being a shit stain to everyone - NFL, court systems, banks, african-americans,  anybody who's literate, orange juice, both pulped and unpulped, glove companies (and idnirectly Michael Jackson). enough with the shenanigans.

Concerning the Jacksons - A reunion of the Jackson 5? Please, PLEASE, dont. There will be nothing creepier than MJ singing "ABC" with an exposed Janet and a drugged up Tito. O second thought...

One last thought on the Kool-Aid man - 

I just realized that this guy drinks himself. I'm not sure what the implies- is he a cannibal, or a sexual freak? Or is he just overly narcissistic and won;t settle for the inferiority of anybody else's alien taste? And why does he wear shorts? Does he seriously have glass, Kool-aid filled genitals? 

I was watching the Knicks games the past week and I realized the NBA has been divided into 3 prototypes: athletic black man, overly tatooed hispanic men, and white men who either look like cavemen, drunken transvestites, or Lord of the Rings creatires (see Kaman, Chris, or Nowitzki, Dirk)

Concerning my last questioning of shoe expense- I realized they are in popular demand - i mean everybody has feet and a need to walk, or make bombs out of, or throw at presidents

I downloaded Moxy Fruvous's "The Last Sasketchewan Pirate". It wasn't as good as it sounded like it would be.

For some reason, whenever anybody mentions Zarathustra, all I picture is the bad guy from Toy Story 2. 

This was the word of the matt.

 

hey guys! been a while...felt like rambling...

spark!..

and the wonderful burst closed its flaming wings.


But forever there remains the smoke (and ashes!) that scatter the ground.
into a million (and maybe more) pieces.


What is this??! she cries in soaking clothes.
t his happened when the rain began to pour down in the park.

being in wet clothes was not so bad, after all after all after all... but what to make of the smoke?

why does it sift through the morning air and my morning cup and my morning memory.
wheredid it go
where did it go
wheredidit go?
where diditgo
where did it go
where did it go?

that burst of light and heat was so wonderful!

(and) wishing wasn't working.

So she became quiet.
no more crying out questions. never mind their laughter.
never mind that they may ignore you. (this is good?)

there was smoke. and lively ashes all around...
and that was all that mattered.
there was a flame, a spark. s p a r k.
it will be quiet.
run to the room
run to the church
run to the school
run to the end of the line
run, for walking often does not satisfy.

and that was why.

There Is So Much More

I paced around the island in my kitchen waiting to take pies out of the oven. I thought lots about life, how sometimes you think you understand it all so clearly and then in one foul swoop, you find yourself caught in this whirlwind wondering if you’ll ever get yourself out. I’ve been stuck in this fog for a few weeks now. You know that thick fog that makes you squint really hard just to see three steps ahead of you? On a clear day, my eyes can’t adjust, I can’t keep from squinting. Maybe it’s because my life is seeming so rehearsed lately; I want to shout, “curtain up, now let’s go global!” I keep searching for something new, something scary and unfamiliar that would take me out of my comfort zone, make me speculate, keep me curious. I wondered if something or someone like this would ever pop up in my life again, it's felt like ages. I told myself to leave it to fate, as it was fate that brought me here. I thought I'd figured it all out, put the puzzle together, now it was time to find another with three times the pieces. I thought and rethunk till I'd overthought it all. What it comes down to is this-there truly is no possible way to fully understand anything or anyone, and you've got to be pretty crazy to believe there is. Even once you’ve discovered the major happenings in a persons life that have shaped who they’ve become, there’s still a whole lot more. After memorizing your route to histo, you probably don’t think twice about how you got from point A to point B. People overlook the little things, and I too am guilty of that. I let myself get bored of things, convince myself that I need to see new places and meet new people to keep me feeling enthusiastic about life. The truth is that all I need, I already have. I go to school in a gorgeous town that has tons to see and experience and have become friends with the greatest, most fascinatingly awesome people I’ll ever have the blessing to know. And in the span of four years, there is no possible way I’ll be able to truly understand any of it. We’ve become so lazy in the way we think. We stop looking the moment our minds tell us there’s no more to see. I hope you'll try at some point to see past the obvious, because the harder you look, the more you'll find.

“There's so much beauty in the world. Sometimes I feel like I'm seeing it all at once, and it's too much, my heart fills up like a balloon that's about to burst. And then I remember to relax, and stop trying to hold on to it, and then it flows through me like rain and I can't feel anything but gratitude for every single moment of my stupid little life.”
-American Beauty

Keep looking, especially once you feel you've already found it! Right then, the moment you feel like you couldn't possibly be anymore in love with life, push yourself to look past what's right in front of you, so you're not just on this high that may eventually die out...one pumpkin pie=one tiny ounce of wisdom, eat your hearts out hippies!

Happy Thanksgiving yall!
love.

Something that Irked Me

I know that nobody reads this anymore, but I needed to get something off my chest...

I was just looking up a film on imdb.com, (Death at a Funeral... very, very, funny movie, if you haven't already heard of it) and I was looking, specifically, for details about the soundtrack.

My eyes skimmed up and down the different categories of the sidebar. There are links for the cast and crew, quotes, awards and reviews... basically every last detail about the film can be found on imdb. And where on this list is the Soundtrack? Oh, there- I found it... it's under the "Fun Stuff" header, right between "goofs" and "crazy credits."

I mean, really, imdb? Really?

As someone who is studying to be a professional musician, I am deeply offended by this shallow brush-off. The soundtrack has been an integral part of film ever since the days when silent pictures were played in church once a week and accompanied by Tillie, the local organist.

Music controls the emotional contour of a film; it tells the audience when to laugh and when to cry; it warns when something scary is going to happen, and when the string section wells up we all know that there's going to be a dramatic turning point.

We cannot allow ourselves to think that music has the same value as a blooper reel. We cannot brush it aside and pretend that the dozens of musicians and composers didn't contribute their artistic talent and judgment to its success. How incredibly, incredibly insulting.

I hope that I'm not alone in my shock and duress. This is a serious affront to the music industry as a whole! The soundtrack's composer should be just as prominent as the screenplay's author. Music plays an integral role in the film industry, and should not- must not- be forgotten.

The People I Saw at Panera Bread: A Cast of Characters

Obligatory Hipster Chick
Female, early 20s, must be wearing thick black glasses without a prescription and some kind of decorative scarf, despite the fact that it is 80 degrees outside. Preferably accompanied by EMO DUDE wearing tight pants who has far too much facial hair.

Man With No Neck
Male, 30s, far too skinny for his own good, appears to be in a perpetual state of alarm. Could be because he cannot decide what to order. More likely it is because he has no neck.

Guy who looks like Steve Carell
Male, mid-to-late 30s, looks like Steve Carell when he's just starting to grow that funny beard in Evan Almighty. No, really, there was a guy who looks just like him, I swear.

Punk Rocker Who Seems Totally Out of Place
Male or Female, early 20s to late 40s, has several visible tattoos, dyed hair a plus. Characterized by uncomfortable body language that screams, "get me the hell out of this color-coordinated corporate dungeon."

That Cell Phone Lady
Female, 40s, enters the building while talking loudly on her cell phone about her private life. Will doubtlessly continue the conversation while placing a to-go order for LITTLE BILLY's entire soccer team, much to the chagrin of all employees and patrons in the store.

Awkward First Date Couple
Male and Female, late 20s, ordered nothing but coffee so that if things go badly today, they have an excuse to bring this rendezvous to a hasty close. Based on how MAN leans in far too close and WOMAN awkwardly glances around the building, this author has reason to believe that there will not be a date number two.

Unfortunate College Student
Female, late teens to early 20s, can be seen sitting alone behind her laptop in one corner for longer than anyone else. Accompanied by dirty tray from food she finished hours ago so as to justify her continued presence. May or may not be me.

The Levels of Purgatory

A lot of people are aware of the 9 levels of Hell, best portrayed by Daunte in his documentary "The Inferno". Yet very few are aware of the not quite as horrid 9 levels of Purgatory. I am glad to educate you on them now:

Levels 1- 3: Perpetual Annoyance

Levels 1-3 are for those of us who got the whole religion multiple choice test just a little wrong (ie those who don't believe the hokey pokey really is what it's all about, or who don't like the Beatles), thought the jimmy fund dish was the leave - a - penny, take - a - penny dish, or just had a really crappy day when they died.

Level 1: The Doctor's Waiting Room

In this level you are sentenced to wait for your spot in your respective promised land in a regular, completely full, Doctor's waiting room. There will be a TV set to, and only to, PBS Local progamming. The magazines will consists only of hunting and housekeeping magazines, as well as a medical journal. All of said books will have mysterious water spots and rips. The room will be obnoxiously colored, and will contain screaming ADHD children, highly contagious flu victims, and at least 2 guys who just don't look right. The room will have obnoxious lighting, and the other patients will have a highly noticable habit of scratching off their dry skin, picking their noses, finger tapping, and hacking up mucus. You will have no food with the exception of what you have on you, after appointment lollipops, and the other patients.

Level 2: Group Therapy with Celebrity Hosts 

In order to prepare you for your hopeful ascension, this level will review the most mundane aspects of your past life and have them over analyzed on international cross- after life - realm TV. Guests analysts will include Dr. Phil, the women from The View, Rachel Ray, Tony Danza, Dr. Ruth, Wolf Blitzer, John Madden, and Marv Albert.

Level 3: "omigod becky"

In the far edge of the first three levels, you will be sentenced to a middle school girls locker room and must help solve every girl that enters's problem, including why trish is such a bitch, which shade of neon-pink hair dye they should use, if their skanky outfit is too skanky, why all rob thinks about is football and food, why the cafeteria food is so bad, why does she have to get her period now why......

Levels 4 - 6: Perpetual Awkwardness

Level 4: The Perpetual Morning After

You will wake up every morning in this level of purgatory. However, each morning you wake up, your situation will be increasingly more strange and absurd. From rolling over to a bad one night stand who just happens to be yours best friend to rolling over to find a decapitated horse, to waking up with a three ring circus conducted by Ronald Reagan and Donald Duck in full swing in your bedroom.

Level 5: The Starring Contest Tournament

You will be pitted up against other purgatory guests as well as guest players for a chance to get to heaven. However, the final rounds consists of starring contest with Stevie Wonder, Ray Charles, Charles Manson, a completely nude Popeye the Sailorman, Pennywise, and finally the Keeper of the Crypt.

Level 6: Kafka

In this level, you will be transformed into a cockroach unbeknownst to your family and friends and have a existential meltdown day after day. 

Levels 7 - 9: Hell's next-door neighbors: The levels bordering sanity

Level 7: The In-Flight Movie

In this scenario, you will be forced to repeteadly watch an inflight movie on a 1 1/2 inch monitor without sound. Your movie choices will consist of Where the Red Fern Grows, Bambi, and J-lo's Gigi. While you watch the movie, an obese man will sleep on your shoulder while a 3 year old toddler repeatedly falls out of the overhead compartment onto your lap due to the constant turbulence.

Level 8: The Assasinated King

In this level, you are a great King who has a nasty habit of being assasinated every day of his life. Your assasinations will vary in interest every other day; one day you will die in your sleep naturally, the next you will be publicly stripped and put into a barrel full of nails and dragged around town by a horse.

Level 8 1/2: Small World

You will be perpetually stuck in the white room of Disney's "It's a small world ride" for all of eternity. There is some speculation that this level may be the first level of hell, but that that sick bastard Daunte actually enjoyed it.

Level 9: Leo Tolstoy and Phillip Glass

 In this most extreme level of purgatory, you will be held in a completely empty room with nothing but Leo Tolstoy's books, while the first scene of Glass's Einstien on a Beach plays repeatedly. Regardless of your best attempts, trying to kill yourself by brute head trauma with the Tolstoy books will be unsuccesful and only make our headache worse.

A confession

I believe that some day I will find a boy who likes Star Trek as much as I do.

And I am willing to wait for that day to come along.

My dad’s afraid of lima beans.

They slide off his fork.

They make him nervous.



I’m afraid of time.

It shows no signs of stopping.

It's t-10 till I lose my mind.



I want to...

Live to be 131, then go on Antiques Roadshow and ask them what I’m worth.

Own a small children’s book store.

Be bilingual.

Make a documentary.

Have 5 children.

Live in a foreign country.

Make that band.

Have tea with Hugh Grant.

Snowboard in Vermont.

Be a voiceover for a character in a disney movie.

Have a farm with horses and chickens and tractors and things.

Learn to windsurf.

Go to culinary school.

Be able to sing this: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rv1Bj8_6ID4

AND this: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=saOVUX6iiRM&feature=related

Build my own house.

Camp out on the quad.

Go skydiving.

Say what I mean (and mean what I say).

Spend a summer exploring somewhere new (Charleston? Portland? Santa Fe?)

Stop gaping at my grandparents and climb Kilimanjaro! 

Learn to play the piano, well-ish at least.

...I hope somehow I'll get to do it all.


Being scared of succotash would be so much simpler...

"Bondage"

‘What’s your happiest memory? Sort of like, if you wanted to conjure your patronus, what would you think of?”

“Well, I kind of think that memories are skewed by how we feel at the present time. If I’m in a good mood, then my whole life is filled with happy memories. If I’m in a bad mood, then I can’t think back to a time I was happy.”

“But there’s always that one memory that sticks out from all the rest. The time you thought to yourself, this has to be the best day of my life! Regardless of how you feel, that memory always stays with you.”

“I guess the memory that stands out for me was when I was in model congress. I was in the club for four years, but never got awards for the speeches I’d written. Then my last year, I finally won an award! I was so happy to be recognized for something that meant so much to me. It was a good day, maybe the best. What about you?”

“We went to Starbucks. I remember it was crowded, so the only seats left were the ones in the way front by the windows. I asked her, “If you could change anything about yourself, what would it be?” which brought on a series of other character revealing questions we shot back at each other. In the hour or so we were there, I felt closer to her than I did to a friend I’d known since the first grade. We walked back to school singing Simon & Garfunkel’s “Old Friends,” but stopped, remembering that we weren’t, but feeling like we were. That was when I started trusting her. That was when she became my best friend. That’s my happiest memory so far.”

( “Aw, that’s so cute!”

“Fuck you.” )

“...Did we just, bond? I didn’t think we could do that.”

“Me either man.”

I have lots of casual friends, a small group of close friends, and one best friend. It’s suddenly occurred to me that out of all these people, I’ve had conversations like this with very few of them. So, I’m setting a goal for next year, which is to hopefully get closer to my friends at school just by talking with them the way I could with you then. There are so many people I want to know better, and I only have three years left with them! I blinked, and last year was gone. Here’s to hoping the next few years will slow down a little!

A Couple Strange "Long Car Ride Rituals"

After I get bored of all the CD’s in my car, I like to play this game. It’s actually really creepy, but I’m kind of a creeper, so maybe then it’s okay? I like to look over at the person next to me and try to figure out what song they’re listening to. I watch their mouths move and see how they tap their fingers on the window sill. Then, I try to guess the song, while simultaneously watching the car in front of me and scanning the sidelines for cops. It’s kind of a talent. I mean chances are I'm almost always wrong, but it's a way to waste time. Just a couple of days ago, I was driving home from voice lessons, and I swore I saw this guy in his late 40’s/early 50’s belting out Take Me or Leave Me. It took a whole extra hour to get home that day, but it was totally worth it! I also just like watching people’s hand movements and facial expressions to guess what they’re talking about. If they're counting on their fingers, I make up whatever they're counting...frogs, people they've had sex with, books, jobs they've been fired from, divorces, horses, houses they've robbed, medications they're on, places they've been, etc. I mean, you gotta entertain yourself somehow when the traffic’s not moving!

Eyes

Our eyes meet, and I have to look away. It's like looking directly at the sun. For a moment we're both transported back to a year ago, feeling things we put in the past. Those eyes tell a story, now I can't even look that story in the eyes without wanting to run and hide. Or is that wanting to run and hide in your arms? The moment is fast, and I can barely manage to utter a few words in reply to your meaningless hello. Or is it full of meaning? Searching, once again, for signs that I feel are there. If I just dig deeper I'll understand what you really feel. What it all really meant. Were we as much as I thought we were? You leave me feeling clueless once again. Our relationship is demolished to an awkward series of "how are you"s. I turn my defenses on, afraid of what your eyes are telling me. Of what my heart is telling me when it looks into that place where our connection is held. For a moment I feel we both know each other, that we are one thought. 

The moment is past, and I'm left with my scrambling thoughts. I can barely remember anymore what it felt like to feel that connection with you. I'm lost for words to describe the feelings. All I know is that I'm frustrated and confused. I long to know more. I fear the knowing. Just another twist in the plot. Another dent on the road to somewhere. You have the inexplicable ability to keep my head rambling long after you've gone. Rambling on tangents that get me nowhere. Words that go unsaid, as always. Rambling on..and on..and on. When will it stop?

Sorry that was a bit morose :p I was just trying to sleep, and these thoughts kept floating through my head (More like pounding at my skull), so I decided the best way to finally get some sleep would be to write it down. Which I could have easily done on some paper, I guess, but now a little bit of my soul is bared for the general internet public. Kind of cool, no? :) Or extremely frightening. Whichever.

Happy August!

A Melody For Every Malady

So here are just a few of my favorite musical theater quotes. These songs I feel connected to in some way or another over so many other songs I’ve heard. I know it's cliche and trite to say that musical theater has taught me so many lessons and helped me become the person I am today, but it's definitely true. Sorry if this post ends up being ridiculously long!!!

“Where are we to go?

Where are we ever to go?

Running away, we'll do it.

Why sit around, resigned?

Trouble is, son,
 the farther you run,

The more you feel undefined

For what you've left undone

And, nore, what you've left behind.

We disappoint,

We leave a mess,

We die but we don't.”
-No More: Into The Woods

“It's called what's your choice?

It's called count to ten.

It's called burn your bridges, start again.

You should burn them every now and then
,
Or you'll never grow!”
-Now You Know: Merrily We Roll Along

“And your heart is lead
And your stomach stone
And you're really scared
Being all alone...
And it's then that you miss
All the things you've known”
-Giants In The Sky: Into The Woods

“See George remember how George used to be,
Stretching his vision in every direction.
See George attempting to see a connection.
When all he can see,
Is maybe a tree,
The family tree,
Sorry, Marie...”
-Lesson #8: Sunday In The Park With George

“People think I’m failing.
They never understand,
But temporary set backs
Are part of what I planned.
And David had his vision,
And David played his game.
We have nothing much in common,
But we are more or less the same.”
-Nothing In Common: Wearing Someone Else’s Clothes

“What’s inside of each and every one of us here in this room,
What we mistakenly call our thoughts, our feelings, and our dreams
Have actually been put there by assistance,
Therefore, our minds have been invaded, conquered and occupied.
And like a catchy refrain that gets trapped in your head,
Like a catchy refrain that gets trapped in your head,
Someone else’s desires get lodged in your brain.
And so the only way to become your true self,
Is to create your true self,
And turn your life into a work of art!”
-What’s Inside Is Just a Lie: Passing Strange

"I was younger then,
I was good at climbing trees.
I was younger then,
I saw everything!
I was hidden all the time,
It was easier to climb.
I was younger then,
I saw everything!"
-Someone in a Tree: Pacific Overtures

"Some things are meant to be,
The tide turning endlessly,
The way it takes hold of me,
No matter what I do.
And some things will never die,
The promise of who you are,
Your memories when I am far from you.
All my life, I've lived for loving you,
Let me go now."
-Some Things Are Meant To Be: Little Women

"So, old friends now it's time to start growing up,
Taking charge, seeing things as they are,
Facing facts, not escaping them
Still with dreams, just reshaping them,
Growing up."
-Growing Up: Merrily We Roll Along

"Though I live with passion, and joy, and rage,
The only time I feel alive is when I'm on the stage,
And that's why living life like a normal person,
Is a stupid thing that I won't do!"
-Stupid Things I Won't Do-Infinite Joy/Make Me a Song

"You may know what you need,
But to get what you want,
Better see that you keep what you have."
-First Midnight: Into The Woods

"It's about one second,
And just when you're on the verge of success,
The sky starts to change,
And the wind starts to blow,
And you're suddenly a stranger.
There's no explaining where you stand
And you didn't know
That you sometimes have to go
Round an unexpected bend,
And the road will end
In a new world."
-The New World: Songs For A New World

“I live behind the rhyme and verse,
I lift my voice till I lift the curse,
It’s all rehearsed you see.
This music always rescues me,
There’s a melody for every malady.”
-Work The Wound: Passing Strange

“Listen everybody, I'm afraid you didn't hear, or do you want to
See a crazy lady fall apart in front of you, it isn't only Paul
Who may be ruining his life, you know we'll both of us be losing
Our identities, I telephoned my analyst about it and he said to
See him Monday, but by Monday I'll be floating in the
Hudson with the other garbage”
-Getting Married Today: Company

“No one can give you courage.

No one can thicken your skin.

I will not fail so you can be comfortable, Cathy.

I will not lose because you can't win.”
-If I Didn’t Believe in You: The Last 5 Years

“You sketched that turtle you saw in an ad on late-night cable TV

Tippy Turtle!

But your fourth grade teacher said,
“You can’t draw.”

Aww, those vampires just won’t let you be.

Fuck you Ms. Johnson, Word!”
-Die Vampire, Die: Title of Show

"We're opening doors,
Singing, "Here we are!"
We're filling up days on a dime.
That faraway shore's looking not too far.
We're following every star, there's not enough time!"
-Opening Doors: Merrily We Roll Along

“I believe, and I have found,

Hyperbole is not what makes the world go round.

Just living, just navigating firm and level ground,

Has power to astound,

I have found.”
-I Have Found: Infinite Joy/Make Me a Song

---------------

Then there are the songs that just can always put me in a better mood for whatever reason--

"Hey, I love you, set those sails!"

"The river don't, the river won't, flow for me!"

“Turn up these lights, cause I barely can see the black one!”

"We're the frogs, the adorable frogs. Not your hoity-toity intellectuals, not your hippy-dippy homosexuals."

"Instead of saying Billy, you have lost your head, collectively the community said: you're even better than you think you are!"

"If I'm in the mood, it will not be with some dude who is whistling cause he has nothing to say!"--or any song from this show. I always listen to this if I have to go somewhere early to wake me up--”In the heights, I flip the lights, and start my day!”-- (but I skip over the last few tracks where Abuela dies, because that just depresses me).

“Eleka nahmen nahmen ah tum ah tum eleka nahmen.”

“Stories of horses, parental divorces, and how rich or poor, it’s a very small sphere where we appear.”

“Somebody spell crayon!”

“With a thousand sweet kisses, when your heart has expired, oh lover, I’ll cover you!”

“Hello, George! There is someone in this dress!’

At the fountain.

****Throw your penny in*****


I wish…

- someone would lend me a movie camera for a week, and all the lighting, sound, and editing equipment to go with it.

- I could see, in person, what America looked like in the time of the Native Americans.

- I could live to be 250, and think it’s really disappointing that we can’t.

- there was some kind of test, some sort of barometer, that was able to determine if people were really in love before they got married (I know, I know…it wouldn’t be “love” if you could medically test for it. But I still think it would be a much better qualification for a marriage license than sexual orientation and gender).

- I tended to a GIGANTIC garden.

- I was a doctor.

- that you will find what you’re looking for.

- baby dolls were an acceptable gift for a 19 year old.

- cancer was as curable as the common cold.

- she didn’t die.

- there was a shop (preferably near my town) that sold super sized sweets, like a 50 pound brownie and a 12 ft long cannoli!

- high cholesterol would never be an issue.

- I hadn’t fantasized while driving Saturday mornings on Navasink River Rd. that we lived there blissfully together.

- Princess Diana was my pen pal.

- a truly happy New Year.

- I knew this all before.

- I was a character on the show Lost.



PS. I thought I'd let my fellow writers know that my short story was published in US 1's Summer Fiction Issue. Woot!

One Midnight Gone...

I’ve always spent a great deal of my summers sitting outside on my front porch. Around 2:00 every day I’d see this old man walking down the street reading. I was always so impressed with his talent of multi-tasking. He somehow managed to see where he was going without his eyes ever leaving his book. He wore these really big bulky glasses with thick black rims, which made me question whether or not looking up would have done him much good anyway. 

I watched him and always wondered where he was going. He walked with such purpose that kind of made me envy him. Each day I saw him, the books different. Though I never got close enough to catch a title, the covers constantly changed. It never occurred to me until now how fast of a reader he must have been. 

It’s weird now, to sit on the steps of my front porch and look out and not see him. I’ll be playing my guitar, or knitting, or reading, but will glance up expecting to see him. I’m hopeful that although my curiosity isn’t taken up by him anymore, someone else’s is.

A Day at the Beach

I made this in April 2007.
Photoshop CS2 for PC, some images found via google.



Really I was just curious to see if we could upload images on here for free.

Looks like we can!

Something I just stumbled upon

I figure this website is appropriate since it's related to writing... it's a web app programmed to guess the gender of an author based on his or her word choice.

http://www.hackerfactor.com/GenderGuesser.html#Analyze

I put in my post about Starbucks and it said I was a "weak female... possibly European"

Just thought someone might be interested in it.

Napkin Lit.

So today I decided to put a little blueprint I had bouncing around my head for awhile amongst other things I may or may not eventually get to before that whole death thing happens. (and yes, I used he phrase "bouncing around" on purpose- my consciousness is kind of like one of those big bounce things you get for little kid parties - collapsable, powered by a vacuum, vivid, wildly out of context, and full of bumbling, awkward little things and overdeveloped thoughts wasting time).

Anywho, back to the plot-

So yea, I decided to go out and start executing this whole idea I had about getting whatever egg was on face from previous things off, just so everything could be plowed down and settled so things could grow. So first off, I walked 25 min down from my house to the local Wal-Mart to get some scrubble-bubble wipes and perhaps some white cranberry - peach juice (which is freaking amazing btw, definately have new respect for cranberries for not ruining  great fruit in the peach) and to see if my ex-girlfriend (from like 4 or 5 years ago, I've been in love with another girl for the past 1+ years) was working. On the way I stopped by two old friends houses, but as usual this summer, neither were home nor were they returning my calls.... I talked to one of them's brother, little Eddie. I had given him my drumset this year after he had beat cancer (can't spell it but heres a shot- lukeimia?). His sister, my friend, has been dating on and off with one of my best friends from scouts, and I haven't heard much from either of them since.

So, back to Wal-Mart. So I get there, say hi to a kid who went to high school with me and who I think is now condemned to eternal employment at Wal-Mart, spent about 5 minutes figuring out what kind of scrubble bubble wipes to use, and then went to go check out wal-marts crap ass cd collection. Walking out, I thought I saw her (ex-girlfriend, not eddie or any previously mentioned characters), but this girl had long hair in pigtails, so I did the safe thing and gave a dorky head nod, then, with no reaction, I thought I had once again said hi to someone I have never met before (which happens quite often - once I even hugged a guy thinking it was an elementary friend Brandon. Yeah, that on was a hard one to get out of.... not like you can say "Oh, no I met to do that, you looked cold") so I kept walking. Then her keys hit me in the ass and she was like "Jeesh just gunna walk by me without sayin hi?"

Since this is being read by stranger hopefully, I am very quick with sarcastic comments and wit- but regular conversation and the like are a little above me sometimes.

This needs to be explained because of my response, which was as follows:

"afloodyschullfepshflagg... uhhh"

oops.

Luckily, people are used to me mumbling and randomly bursting into scats, so only I noticed. So yea, she was going on lunch, so i was cool... said she as reading the bible cause it kept her sane while working here. Then I got distracted by what I a woman I can only compare to one of the Dr. Seuss characters from "There's A Wocket in My Pocket", the things that are in the closet i think, the big bird type things. Seriously, this woman was like a foot taller than me, blond, mid-life, curlers in, and some weird ass green foam thing sticking vertically out of her skull, and I'm 75% sure she was wearing her kid's model of the solar system for earrings.

Then I snapped back from Salamasa (the setting of Yertle the Turtle for those who don't know) and realized she was waiting for me to say "see ya" after she had apprently said bye since she was halfway down the aisle now. So I did.

Then as I turned back to pretend to be interested in some $20 censored Rage Against the Machine album, I saw through my peripheral that she was looking back at me. I don't think she was checking me out, since 1) she has a boyfriend, 2) she knows I have a girlfriend, and 3) I think I ahd just confused the crap out of both of us.

So, I picked up a 3 disc Pavarotti cd for $5 and was about to check out when symbolism struck me.

Napkins. I was cleaning up my "mess". genius.

So I went to the Dunkin' Donuts inside Wal-Mart (always thought this was funny - a high fat, unhealthy snack inside a corporate giant's greedy tummy) , grabbed a napkin, and went to go find Jay, the kid perpetually stuck with that jauntis smiley on his vest. I borrowed a pen for him, and wrote my apology on it- basiclaly saying I'm sorry if I had ever confused her/hurt her during our 2 week "relationship" back in Sophmore year, and that I hadn't met too if I did, I just really didn't know what I was doing at all when it came to relationship stuff. (No seriously, I had no idea - when we broke up, I think the only words I said during the phone call was "uh... I don't know", inlcuding when she asked "do you think we should break up?" - like I said, not very keen on the conversation thing). 

So i folded the napkin, gave it and the pen to Jay, told him she as on lunch and to give it to take a break from re-alphabetizing the prescription drugs before he got any bad ideas and to give it to her for me. Then I used the machine clerk to check myself out (I looked mighty fine may I add), and walk back home uphill.

Then my old basketball coach, Mr. Renzoni, saw me trekking up Indian Hills and gave me a ride. I liked this too, because the last time I was sitting with Mr. Renzoni, it was when he put me into a wheelchair after I hurt my knee at a basketball game.

Next up I plan on going tomorrow to another friends house unsuspected. Then maybe I'll tackle the big one.

Or maybe I'll just rent a big bounce.

Speaking of napkins, did you know Harry Potter was originally written on cocktail napkins? You know how may fucking cocktail napkins that would be???? 

Here are the books I have read so far this summer:

Sellevision,    Augustin Burroughs

Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy,    Sir Douglas Adams

The Restaurant at the End of the Universe,  Sir Douglas Adams

So Long, And Thanks For All the Fish,    Sir Douglas Adams

Mostly Harmless,    Sir Douglas Adams

Young Zaphod Plays it Safe,  Sir Douglas Adams

The Complete Grimm's Fairy Tales,   The Grimm Brothers

The Lord of the Flies,   William Golding

Musicophilia,   Sir Oliver Sacks

"I dream I don't know anybody at the party, but I'm always the host

If dreams are like movies, then memories are films about ghosts" 

- "Mrs. Potter's Lullabye", Counting Crows

"Never allow butter, soup, or other food to remain on your whiskers. Use the napkin frequently"

 - Hill's Manual of Social and Business Forms: Etiquette for the Table

the liar, the witch, and the wardrobe

I was five and naive with a wild imagination, as any girl in my lower school did, given the fact that we had no playground, only the rocks and the trees to play with. I caught you with a gum wrapper, which in our mother's eyes was sinful. If you ate gum, you'd turn into a lifelong smoker like herself. Things sometimes seemed to work backwards for her. I told you I'd tell, but you said you had a secret that would make sense of your sin. So, unknowingly I forever fell in the trap of believing. 

"Our brother's Adam and Eric live in the attic. Mom and dad hide them away, because they're ashamed of them," you said with a smirk that somehow slipped past me. 

 

"What? So the gum was...for them?!"

"Oh, it's all they'll eat! They've never lived with humans, so they don't know kids can't just eat gum and candy all day."

"So shouldn't we give them regular people food?"

"No! No! I mean...they won't eat it, they wouldn't know what it was. You should get them some, and I can give it to them. I know them, they trust me."

"Well, okay."

Three girls and no boys, no Charles Harvey Palmer IV that our dad had been hoping for. Just like there was never a gun safe behind that scary portrait of a distant relative in our dining room that'd be staring straight at you no matter where you were in the room. I walked the creaking steps to the attic, and inside an old wardobe, found the brotherless wrappers. 

Sorry for trying to get back at you by stabbing you in the arm with a pencil, even though mom said I'd go to jail if I did it. I guess I've learned that sometimes, she lies too.

....or she's just wrong, a lot.

So, the truth as to why I lie--I'm not always the naive five year old that gets caught belieiving. Sometimes, it's you!

Randomination #2 - Things I am Indifferent To Because Their Irony Cancels Out Their Preposity

Jessie Jackson/Rev. Al Sharpton

The paper divider things in Milano cookie packages that divide the thing into serving sizes

Frust, the line of sweeping that never goes into the dust pan

Dr. Phil

Cannibalism

Fruit Cakes

James Dolan

Sunny D

Fox News

100% Milk Chocolate

The Pillsbury Dough Boy

Randomination #1 -Some Words I Like

Hoboken

yogurt

snufflelfugus

hyperbole

schism

doppler

dingleberry

derelict

crustacean

xylophone

abicus

uber

quagmire

taxi

plethora

viral

Unreleased Poem

I forgot to put this one in my book, Orange Flavored Footnotes, until after it was published. Too bad, cause I actually liked this one. One day I may make it into a song.

Thieves

We are not fabricators

Mystic aviators wit built-in navigators

Dictators of some creative barometer

To some sort of soul we've yet to see

We are not fabricators

Initiators

Illuminators of vibrations in the cosmos we've yet to see

We are instigators

Cheap, sly laminators

Lamenting the laments of somebody else

We are administrators

We are animators

We are instigators.

It's our one true denominator

The Fleet-fingered flutist

The hot-handed harpist

The cat-napping composer

Thieves all.

Stealing toy trophies to rearrange

On the mantle pieces 

In a house we call our own

We are not fabricators

We are nasty nasty annunciators

So girls and boys,

Best become imitators

Originality is a coy.

"Poems are never finished, only abandoned" - Paul Valery

Dear Post Secret

I feel more alone when I'm with someone than when I'm by myself, unless I'm with you.

-------------

I've always known when the milk had gone bad, sorry for never saying so.

---------

Lately, I feel closer to your mom than I do to you.

-------------

I sang him a song, and he soon fell asleep. Then I looked for a movie, but found your porn collection instead.

---------

I don't think I'll ever be able to take cops on bikes seriously.

-------------

Wow. It's been a long time since I've "blogged." Like Emily I used to be a LiveJournal person, and also as she says I blogged about such mundane things as things not going my way, people not paying attention, blahblahblah. It embarrasses me to look back on those posts. I was a silly teenager. Well, I still am one, technically, almost only one more year of teenage..hood.

I don't have much to say, just thought I would introduce myself.

I've just finished re-reading all of the Harry Potter books start to finish. It took two weeks, because I decided I should probably interact with the outside world at intervals. I miss Harry Potter all over again. How is it that an imaginary world can be so captivating? I love almost everything about these books, and they bring me a lot of comfort. Why, I have no idea. Maybe because I grew up reading them, and every time I read one I can escape. It's so nice to escape. That's probably why I like theatre. You can be anyone you want, and it doesn't matter if your own life is hopelessly boring or frustrating or what have you. I found a few quotes recently, so I guess I'll share them. Two are about dancing, but I like to substitute any kind of performing :p

"For all the work dancers do during the day, the reason we do it is that short time onstage. Nothing I've experienced in life is like it, and that scares me. When I can't dance, what will ever make me feel so alive, so in the moment? When I once told a friend that I didn't pray, he said, "Your performance is your prayer. That's what you're doing up there." He was right. Whatever God is, I feel close to God when I perform."
-Kyle Froman

"I dance and perform because it's the only time that I feel like I can be myself. It's ironic, because when you're onstage you aren't being yourself, but the world completely shuts out and you can just live for what's going on right then. When I step on a stage, it's like finding true peace."
-Spencer Liff

And now some quotes from Albus Dumbledore. Because he's scarily wise. But then again, he's fictional.

"After all, to the well-organized mind, death is but the next great adventure." -Albus Dumbledore

"You think the dead we loved ever truly leave us? You think that we don't recall them more clearly than ever in times of great trouble? Your father is alive in you, Harry, and shows himself most plainly when you have need of him." -Albus Dumbledore

"Trivial hurts, tiny human accidents ... These are of no more significance than the scurryings of ants to the wide universe."
-Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix

I think the first quote by Dumbledore is really exciting. I really had never thought of what happens after you die as being an "adventure," but honestly, who knows what happens? It could be anything...

And finally, My favorite:

"Tell me one last thing," said Harry. "Is this real? Or has this been happening inside my head?"
Dumbledore beamed at him.
"Of course it is happening inside your head, Harry, but why on earth should that mean that it is not real?"

I don't care if the world of Harry Potter is in my head, because in that messed up place it is real.

Add this to your summer reading list

So I just finished reading this really great book, Starbucked, by Taylor Clark. It was a very intriguing and quick read; I'm sure I would have gotten through it quickly even without the 14-day deadline imposed by my local library. And yes, it was intriguing even though it was a nonfiction book about coffee.

Of course, the thing that made it so incredibly interesting was the fact that it was about so much more than just coffee. Yeah, sure, coffee does have quite a lot to do with it. But Clark explains everything, starting from the drink's history and continuing on to how one independent roasting company in Seattle was able to become a global household name.

Clark's book examines Starbucks from two perspectives; first, he takes an appreciative view at how Howard Schultz was able to singlehandedly (well, ok, he had a lot of help) take a mundane and generally low-quality beverage and turn it into a gourmet commodity that a typical consumer would be willing to pay almost five dollars to drink on a regular basis. Second, Clark looks at the company's impact on the world; how it may be either the cause or the byproduct of gentrification in America, how it was able to spread so quickly across the globe, and how its business model shows no signs of slowing down in the near future.

Is Starbucks singilng out and destroying locally owned, mom-and-pop chains in America? How can they get away with opening two stores across the street frome each other? Just what makes the stores such a cool place to hang out, anyway?

I, like many Americans, just sort of assumed that Starbucks was an evil corporation, bent on global domination. Of course, I also visit the retailer several times per week. Clark's book helped to explain this psychological phenomenon. It also taught me what the word gentrification means.

I haven't decided yet how I ultimately feel about Starbucks. The book actually made me a little more confused than I was to begin with. But it was still fascinating, and I feel really good about myself for voluntarily reading a nonfiction book over the summer. I'd highly reccomend it.

Well this is awkward. I mean, this whole blogging thing- I'm not really talking to someone, but I am, yet if I introduce myself I'm basically introducing myself to myself and well, let's face it, I think we have enough trouble trying to figure out what "self" is nevermind figuring out why we have private ownership of it at all. I won' tell you everything about me, because, well, that'd just be silly and wouldn't allow any buildup now would it? Anyways, I wouldn't want to spoil myself for me, I'm a captive fan after all. But here's some snippets to keep you occupied:

I eat the green shit inside of lobsters. It's actually their livers, and its a delicacy too.

I can do the weird three leaf clover thing with my tongue, but I can't touch my nose with it or anything like that.

In Kindergarten we had this kid Jared in our class, and when he had to move his Mom wrote a letter and sent it to their mailbox that said he was getting recruited by the Power Rangers and had to go away. He was king of the playground for a long time after that. I still wonder sometimes if he ever defeated Rita and her putty men.

I think Ahhnold, Stallone, Bob Dylan, Mushmouth from Fat Albert, Animal the Muppet, Steven Segal, and Ozzy should all co-star in a movie together, not because I'm a big fan of any of them (well, except Animal), but I think it'd be great to have an American movie with english subtitles.

I come from a medium sized town where we are known for 3 things: we invented Naugahyde, everyone's favorite leather substitute, the apocolyptic part of War of the Worlds was filmed here, and we have the highest rate of testicular cancer in the country. Glad to say I've only taken part in one of these, I'll let you guess which one.

I like reading.

Especially people.

I tend to have two general affect on people- I either make them easy, or really creep them out.

I've had a very interesting life so far- but like I said, not giving away too much yet. In fact, no one save two or three people know my whole story, including myself. I only do tell the whole thing when I feel the person I'm telling's perspective of me will change as little as possible, or if I a supposed to.

I used to go to this diner when I was a kid (well actually I still do), and the owner/chef Billy used to always say he was going to throw me in the dumpster. One day he actually did. It was awesome.

I saw my first dead body when I was 6. Well, really I geuss it wasn't a whole body, but part of a dead body still counts as a dead body I think

Sometimes I spell grey g-r-e-y. but sometimes I spell it g-r-a-y. I'm still waiting for Crayola to get back to me.

I like the song "Africa" by Toto, but Ican only listen up to the second verse and then hafta fast forward to the chorus, 'cause i hate the line "Kilamenjaro rises like Olympus above the Sarenghetti" Toto, come on. It's a simile, you can't say the mountain is rising above like another big mountain. That's liek me saying "This Chips Ahoy is as crunchy as a Tollhouse". 

I think we are all secondary characters in one big continuos novel. Problems start to occur when we see ourselves as a titles character, an antagonist, protagonist, whatever. 

And it's very interesting to see how the novel brings us around, for example take these facts:

A boy scout troop is founded in 1913 as Troop 2, 2 years after the BSA is founded.

A mailman delivers the newspaper at 7 am to a half-shaved 60 year old

A 4 year old boy somehow survives and electrical shock due to trying to "fix" an open light socket.

A teenage girl goes out on a date with a teenage boy, then decides to ditch him for another

A woman finally has her second child after 7 miscarriages, and 1 baby who did not survive more than 1 day.

A 3 year old girl is tossed off a porch into her house by her father while a gas grill explodes 4 feet away.

Now what you probably wouldnt know-

The four year old boy is the last child of the mother, and is named "Matthews" meaning "gift of god" rather than "Nathanial"

After the electrical mishap, the boy spends his morning before kinder garten with the 60 year old half shaven man, his grandfather.

The grandfathers son is the boy's father, and the teenage boy who was ditched by the teenage girl for the other man

The other man and teenage girl end up married and give birth to another, James, who, through the boy scout troop, (now Troop 102, not 2), which is headed by the aforementioned family, meets and becomes brothers with his counterpart, the dicthed boy's son.

The 3 year old girl is the mailman's daughter, named Morgan, though her mother calls her "emma". Eventually, the girl would date the boy, who's grandfather had his mail delivered to him by her father while taking care of the boy.

This relationship would begin 5 years after the boy, after many failed attempts to date a crush, had hoped to find "his emma".

All I'm sayin is, I find coincidences very hard things to believe in.

Well, I geuss that's enough for now. Tootles.

"Things just keep getting curioser and curioser" - Alice 

"Shiki suggested haiku as an abbreviation of the phrase 'haikai no ku'"

Today

There is a faint light
Hanging close to my head now.
Where is that damn switch?


Tomorrow

I’m running ahead
And praying, dear God, it’s not
A treadmill below.


Yesterday

How is it that All
changes color depending
On your time and place?

"The ones you have to watch are the ones that keep coming back"

I like to send my friends postcards from places all over the world, so even though I can't leave Baltimore all summer, I can at least pretend to. I'm in Venice next. Expect one soon.

dark knights and stamp collectors

Today I did the unthinkable (well, at least in my mind). I went to go see a horror movie all by myself. I'm pretty proud of my accomplishment. On the way home, I was stopped at a red light and a chain of eleven children all colors and sizes holding hands with a mother and father at opposite ends crossed the street. I thought to myself, these parents must have sucked at stamp collecting when they were kids and tried to make it up in children when they grew up. Clearly, that's the only explanation.

Somebody stop me!

Hi,

I'm not sure how to begin a blog. I made one once, well a livejournal if that counts. That was years ago, in my early high school late middle school awkwardly emo stage, when I thought I had something to say, but most of it was just ranting. Ranting about things I thought mattered but don't. This time I'll do it right, talk of things that matter, at least me. I'm not sure where to begin, so I'll pretend like I've already begun.

My mom, little sister, and I were driving home from my grandmother’s house. My mom was yelling at me about something, and I was zoning out. When she finally stopped, I said “Let me out, I need yarn.” My mom didn’t say anything, just pulled over and sighed. Julia and I walked a couple of blocks till we made it to Lovelyarns. I love this store beyond words, it’s perfect. There’s a porch in front with twin rocking chairs, and a tree entirely knitted root to twig. I got what I needed and asked Sue (owner & 4 time winner of the stitch n' bitch award) to wind the yarn for me, partly to take away the pain of having to do it myself later by hand, but mostly just to piss off my mom. Sue was in the back with my yarn and the winding machine thingy that there’s probably a more technical name for, but I don’t know it. I noticed a small bucket of pins and business cards I’d never seen before on the counter. I picked up a pin that had a woman from the 20’s knitting with the words “somebody stop me!” next to her. I laughed and put it on my bag. I payed for the yarn and my sister and I walked back to the car. Julia had been looking around the store when I picked out the pin, so I showed her. Then she said “you would waste ten cents on a pin that looks like a five year old made it in home ec.” My first reaction was, should five year olds really be trusted to handle sharp objects in home ec? Should they even be in a home ec class in the first place? Then my mind finally thought back to the first part of what she’d said. Apparently the pins were ten cents. Fuck.

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