...And that's how I invented the high 5!

I drank a Jone's crushed melon soda today. I have mixed feelings about Jones (not to be confused with Jones, Indianna, or Jones, Mr.). I really enjoy their odd flavors, but I don't like the medicinal cough syrup aftertaste of pure cane sugar. Its like an Amistad in my mouth. Not a big fan.

There's this French company that is slowly becoming my next money splurging crush - its call Pylones, and they only sell weird shit. I like French weird shit. Like a vaccum shaped like a cheeseburger or a purse that is a giant frog with handles. that kind of stuff.

Top 5 songs for repetitive torture loops:

- Aqua, "Barbie Girl"

- Phillip Glass, "Einstein on a Beach"

- Lemon Demon, "Correctional Facility Food Sucks"

- Bon Jovi- Well, anything really

- Randy Newman - see Jovi, Bon

I think my favorite worst nightmare was one I had mutliple times hen I was younger, that I was a human pencil andwas put into a pencil sharpener.

Another good one was when Barney and BJ ransacked my preschool and took hostages

Sneakers are mad expensive, but I don;t understand why. Sure, gas is up, economy sucks, but you have 4 year old third world country children making 1 dollar a day as employees, why do you need to charge me 100??

You know that thing when your lying on your pillow, and you close one eye and it looks higher and in a different place than when you use the other eye? And then, when you open both eyes, it kinda hurts and gives you a headache? I think thats what's holding some people up- they only see the pillow in one spot instead of embracing the headache

Concerning Plaxico Burress: I'm seriously considering buying one of those custom jersey and putting "H. Smith" on the name plate with Burress's number. Seriously dude, your story was your name was Harris Smith and you got shot at an Applebees? And you waited 2 hours to seek medical attention?? I got o Applebee's all the time. they ma forget your bbq sauce now and then , bt i highly doubt theyd wait 2 hours to get you help for your gunshot wound. You need to take some tips fro OJ on how to lie

Concerning OJ - Repsect for being a major dick to the court system and getting out scotch free (what deos this saying even mean btw?) but come on. Now our just being a shit stain to everyone - NFL, court systems, banks, african-americans,  anybody who's literate, orange juice, both pulped and unpulped, glove companies (and idnirectly Michael Jackson). enough with the shenanigans.

Concerning the Jacksons - A reunion of the Jackson 5? Please, PLEASE, dont. There will be nothing creepier than MJ singing "ABC" with an exposed Janet and a drugged up Tito. O second thought...

One last thought on the Kool-Aid man - 

I just realized that this guy drinks himself. I'm not sure what the implies- is he a cannibal, or a sexual freak? Or is he just overly narcissistic and won;t settle for the inferiority of anybody else's alien taste? And why does he wear shorts? Does he seriously have glass, Kool-aid filled genitals? 

I was watching the Knicks games the past week and I realized the NBA has been divided into 3 prototypes: athletic black man, overly tatooed hispanic men, and white men who either look like cavemen, drunken transvestites, or Lord of the Rings creatires (see Kaman, Chris, or Nowitzki, Dirk)

Concerning my last questioning of shoe expense- I realized they are in popular demand - i mean everybody has feet and a need to walk, or make bombs out of, or throw at presidents

I downloaded Moxy Fruvous's "The Last Sasketchewan Pirate". It wasn't as good as it sounded like it would be.

For some reason, whenever anybody mentions Zarathustra, all I picture is the bad guy from Toy Story 2. 

This was the word of the matt.